I had a long argument with a young (20 y.o.?) worker who wouldn’t give me a receipt. He finally admitted, “I don’t know how to write a receipt.” So, I told him what to write. He still seemed to struggle, though, and I was wondering what his problem was. Then I saw the receipt. He didn’t know how to write! So, public schools are no longer teaching cursive or printing?!

Passed away

El Paso de Robles originally translated to Pass of the Oaks. With all the clear-cutting and planting of grape vines, El Paso de Robles now means Oaks are Passé.

Dances by Self

I’ve been around Native Americans my whole life. As a child, I was nicknamed Runs with Scissors; offering personal fitness training in San Diego, I was Works for Jews; and now I am Laughs at Self.

Here I am with fellow author Col. George Marrett, ret. USAF. Check out his books, including “Testing Death” and “Cheating Death.” I love that he writes with humor. Col. Marrett flew 188 combat missions on the Douglas A-1 Skyraider in Vietnam and tested more than forty types of military aircraft in twenty-five years as a test pilot for the Air Force and Hughes Aircraft Company.

Ones in a while

At a grocery store I watched the customer ahead of me at the checkout stand. She divided her groceries into two transactions.  After she paid cash for the first transaction, she shuffled the change with the other bills in her hand.  Attempting a con, she told the cashier that she was owed $8, but only received three ones.  While the cashier rang the second half of her groceries, he thought about the change carefully and said, “Oh, I do remember giving you $8 . . . but I also remember giving someone $4.”

Technically a mutt

If I were to choose a vocation based on my heritage, Irish, German, Armenian, I would weave rugs on a state-of-the-art loom I designed while drunk. What would your job be?

Shoulda worn a condom

A California man in a state of distress took his child and fled the county. They were found the next day, and the man was charged with child endangerment. In other states that’s called divorce.

Here I am with Clive–my first customer on Lanai. He was personal butler to David Murdock ([no relation] former owner of Lanai) for one year. Now he works for Rabaca’s Limousine Service. Ask him for a ride!

Take a stand

From now on the National Anthem will not precede NFL games. Instead the song will be Eminem’s “The Real Slim Shady” aka Please Stand Up.

Since cupid failed at finding me the right guy, I took matters into my own hands. Photo credit: Bailey Clark, Central Coast Archery.

Convenience

I played a practical joke on a restaurant when I ordered take-out.  After I provided their address as my location, the worker said, “That’s our address.”  I said, “I know.  I’m in your parking lot.”  The delivery guy played along and drove his car one aisle over to my car.

27th Anniversary

Today I’m observing my business’s 27th anniversary. I’ve always said that a lot can be done with a physical education degree, but I didn’t know that it would amount to comedy and biography writing. I’m starting my third year of writing people’s life stories and creating books for my clients. I’m still taking new clients. And for the last four months I’ve been writing my first screenplay, a comedy movie. Thank you for your business or for just being a fan. Today I celebrated my special day by snow shoeing, for my first time, in Shaver Lake, CA.

Double negative

I had a mammogram today. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the diagnostic center was running a special: smaller than an A cup—free! The technician found a lump. It was my breast.

Disconnected

Each door knocking outing, I encounter the whole spectrum of congeniality. At one end of the spectrum, a man pretended to be on the phone (lying is for cowards) while his wife yelled at me (there’s a perfect match); at the other end of the spectrum, a little girl gave me a flower.

New excuses

Happy New Year! “The Every Excuse in the Book Book” is in its second printing. Same great information. Bigger print. More ordering options. My first born was written more than 20 years ago and is still funny, relevant, and accurate. 

Rotary newsletter

rotary 2014 newslVery nice article written about me in Paso Robles Rotary’s newsletter after I presented It’s Hard to Find Good Help These Days: A customer service manual for businesses.