I had a long argument with a young (20 y.o.?) worker who wouldn’t give me a receipt. He finally admitted, “I don’t know how to write a receipt.” So, I told him what to write. He still seemed to struggle, though, and I was wondering what his problem was. Then I saw the receipt. He didn’t know how to write! So, public schools are no longer teaching cursive or printing?!
El Paso de Robles originally translated to Pass of the Oaks. With all the clear-cutting and planting of grape vines, El Paso de Robles now means Oaks are Passé.
I’ve been around Native Americans my whole life. As a child, I was nicknamed Runs with Scissors; offering personal fitness training in San Diego, I was Works for Jews; and now I am Laughs at Self.
Celebrities have kids, so that their offspring can carry on the famous names and have successful programs of their own like Celebrity Rehab.
An ugly, morbidly obese woman went missing. No one looked for her.
Here I am with fellow author Col. George Marrett, ret. USAF. Check out his books, including “Testing Death” and “Cheating Death.” I love that he writes with humor. Col. Marrett flew 188 combat missions on the Douglas A-1 Skyraider in Vietnam and tested more than forty types of military aircraft in twenty-five years as a test pilot for the Air Force and Hughes Aircraft Company.
This year the theme for Earth Day is Bee the Change. Next year it will be Tie Your Tubes.
At a grocery store I watched the customer ahead of me at the checkout stand. She divided her groceries into two transactions. After she paid cash for the first transaction, she shuffled the change with the other bills in her hand. Attempting a con, she told the cashier that she was owed $8, but only received three ones. While the cashier rang the second half of her groceries, he thought about the change carefully and said, “Oh, I do remember giving you $8 . . . but I also remember giving someone $4.”
I’ve lost so much hair that my part has tributaries.
If I were to choose a vocation based on my heritage, Irish, German, Armenian, I would weave rugs on a state-of-the-art loom I designed while drunk. What would your job be?
A California man in a state of distress took his child and fled the county. They were found the next day, and the man was charged with child endangerment. In other states that’s called divorce.
Here I am with Clive–my first customer on Lanai. He was personal butler to David Murdock ([no relation] former owner of Lanai) for one year. Now he works for Rabaca’s Limousine Service. Ask him for a ride!
My health insurance company doesn’t take doctors.
From now on the National Anthem will not precede NFL games. Instead the song will be Eminem’s “The Real Slim Shady” aka Please Stand Up.
Since cupid failed at finding me the right guy, I took matters into my own hands. Photo credit: Bailey Clark, Central Coast Archery.
I played a practical joke on a restaurant when I ordered take-out. After I provided their address as my location, the worker said, “That’s our address.” I said, “I know. I’m in your parking lot.” The delivery guy played along and drove his car one aisle over to my car.
My next target market is going to be adults who are developmentally disabled. I like that they find me so interesting.
The cemetery in Paso Robles is offering headstones made out of old wine barrels.
Today I’m observing my business’s 27th anniversary. I’ve always said that a lot can be done with a physical education degree, but I didn’t know that it would amount to comedy and biography writing. I’m starting my third year of writing people’s life stories and creating books for my clients. I’m still taking new clients. And for the last four months I’ve been writing my first screenplay, a comedy movie. Thank you for your business or for just being a fan. Today I celebrated my special day by snow shoeing, for my first time, in Shaver Lake, CA.
The back of a candy package states: “Background orange is a registered trademark.” Fascinating. I’m going to register my off-color humor.
A cat hired me to write its whole life story. The book will be called Nine Lives Matter. The cat dies in the end. Oops. I gave it away.
Love thy neighbor . . . if he’s the same religion.
Obesity is so common in children that parents no longer say, “This is Jimmy. He’s shy.” They say, “This is Jimmy. He’s a B cup.”
A deli has a new sandwich called the Miami Cuban. Soon they’ll offer the New York Jew, California Liberal, German Brat—a club sandwich.
I had a mammogram today. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the diagnostic center was running a special: smaller than an A cup—free! The technician found a lump. It was my breast.
California Assembly Bill No. 216 passed, which means that absentee ballots will now come with an envelope with prepaid postage. I guess legislators follow my comedy career. I talked about that during this performance.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1b40E7PoAs&list=FLqDnWaF00Cpyngks6a41BoA&index=15
I’m writing a healthy cookbook of dessert recipes using unsweetened sugar.
My idea of a polar bear plunge is a big white guy diving into my bed.
Each door knocking outing, I encounter the whole spectrum of congeniality. At one end of the spectrum, a man pretended to be on the phone (lying is for cowards) while his wife yelled at me (there’s a perfect match); at the other end of the spectrum, a little girl gave me a flower.
The United States’ national mascot is the border patrol agent.
Happy New Year! “The Every Excuse in the Book Book” is in its second printing. Same great information. Bigger print. More ordering options. My first born was written more than 20 years ago and is still funny, relevant, and accurate.
The Author Showcase went great. Here I am at my table. Click here to watch video of my presentation.
I will be one of the authors presenting at this Author Showcase. Come check it out. Free! I will present on how to create a demand for your book. Here is the Local Author Showcase Presentation Schedule.
Paso Robles Daily News printed an article, yesterday, that I wrote about customer service and my new book. Read here.