Posted at a pool entrance.
On the GIGS page of Craigslist there’s an ad: Wedding set up & teardown. On the LEGAL page there’s an ad: Marriage set up & teardown.
When you sign up for life insurance, you can choose anyone you want to be the beneficiary. So, let’s make sure that you have the correct spelling of my name.
Did you hear about the guy who was caught inside the toilet of a porta-potty at a yoga fair? He was arrested. What would the bail amount be for an offense like that? I guess a shit load of money.
I know I have a small chest when it takes only one hand to adjust my bra. You know you have a big chest when you have to use two hands to adjust your bra—and your hands are a foot apart.
Parents would have healthy kids if they spent as much time planning kids’ meals as they plan birthday parties.
I thought that I signed up for a dating website but it was a bank’s website. I was matched with debt.
A highly sensitive person, such as myself, has no business being in sales—especially door knocking. I get yelled at all the time. For example, a man whose daughter was a personal trainer told me that he wouldn’t buy just any book, only one that is a good investment. He didn’t buy a book.
I walked into a bank and asked for change for a fifty.
The teller asked, “Are you a customer here?”
“No,” I said.
“OK well I’ll do it just this one time. Normally I wouldn’t because this bill could be counterfeit and I want to protect our customers from fraud.”
“Ha! Your company committed major fraud against your customers.”
“It wasn’t that much fraud.”
A little bit of fraud is OK.