Category Archives: On My Mind

Gluten-free plate made out of wheat straw. So, I can eat off of the plate, but not eat the plate?

Malignant speech

I’m so tired of grocery store cashiers asking me if I want to round up for breast cancer.  I say, “No, but I’d be willing to round down.” How we think, speak, and feel affects our health. They should ask, “Would you like to round up for longevity, independent living, vim and vigor?” Since there is a strong connection between obesity and breast cancer, they should ask, “Would you like to slim down to prevent breast cancer? Would you like to buy more fruit and vegetables to prevent cancer? Would you like to walk to the store to prevent breast cancer?”

Bite me

When I visit Hawaii and walk through the Honolulu airport, I see welcome signs with my name on them. Damn mosquitoes.

They’re all relative

I have badass girlfriends. Two hiked up Kilimanjaro; I hiked up my skirt. One competed injured in the Olympic trials; I competed for the shortest line at the grocery store. Two battled cancer; I battled self-doubt. One graduated from college despite dyslexia; I graduated despite boy chasing.

For you horse lovers . . . I took this photo at Paso Robles Horse Park when I had a booth for horse massage.

April Fools! Those are big f_____ing horses. I’ll stick with massaging dogs, thank you. I did take this photo at PR Horse Park. It was my first time watching (& photographing) such an event. Really cool. Those young people are brave.

Fact is: If there are fewer than three cashiers, I will go to another store. (And, you need an editor.)

Young from the chest up

A few years ago, a photographer I consulted was commissioned for a pin-up shoot with me as the model. When I picked up our prints, the workers acted strangely and reluctant to hand over the photos. The manager said that she almost called the police. I couldn’t imagine why. The photos were beautiful, artful . . . and I was clothed. She said that the model looked underage. I said, “I’m the model and I’m 45 years old.” Photos in hand, I left the store beaming with high self-esteem. Then, I panicked. Did the manager judge my age by my bust line!?

Biphobic

I love men. If I were a guy I would definitely be gay. Instead, I’m a straight girl in a lesbian’s body. Does that make me transgender?