I was going to post another fun video, but I have a long meeting with a large group of people in town from New York City. April Fool’s, suckas!
I wonder if the founders of our country predicted that the term forefathers would be used in the future by children from broken homes.
I am selling toilet paper on the black market—out of the back of my truck in an alley. $100 per roll. Meet me there. This offer won’t last. Grab ‘em while they’re hot.
Some people don’t need to look at their grocery carts and wallets to see that they’re hoarding food. They just need to look to their hips and bellies.
When I was a child my hair was platinum blonde. The next 20 years it was golden blonde. Now it’s perimenopause blonde.
I was at a store looking at washing machines and asked a worker to show me the top of the line. He pointed to one and said, “This one. It’s an LG.” I said no. I want Maria—someone to do my laundry for me.
Posted at a pool entrance.