“Oh, that makes me feel better”

I was in the middle seat on a plane. On one side of me was a gang banger all tatted up, fresh out of prison, and on the other side of me was a morbidly obese woman, both smelled like cigarettes. When I sat down, the woman said, “Sorry I’m a little large. I’m afraid of flying. Sorry I’m so fat. It’s embarrassing. I need a seat belt extension. I eat a lot when I can’t smoke.” She must fly a lot. The gang banger said that it was his first time flying. I told them that they didn’t have to worry about the pilots dying, because there was a spare pilot all suited up sitting across the aisle from us.