Open book

When I was setting up a new online account, I had to answer security questions in case I lost my username and password. These were the questions and my answers:

  • If money was no object, what would you do all day? Play God.
  • Where did you meet your significant other? GQ Magazine.
  • Where did your mother and your father meet? At the sperm bank.
  • What is the name of the city you got lost in once? Vatican City.
  • What is your father’s middle name? Dead.
  • What is your favorite city to visit? My own.
  • What is your favorite flower? Alive.
  • What subject should be taught in school that isn’t already? Comedy.
  • What time of day were you born? Swing shift.
  • What was the model of the second car you owned? Fabio.
  • If you could eat only one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be? Cooked.
  • What is your favorite book? That which I don’t have to read.
  • What is your mother’s favorite thing to do in her spare time? Haunt me.
  • What is your parent’s wedding anniversary? (White) Flag Day.
  • What nickname did your grandmother call you? “Huh?”
  • What song do you think you could have sung better than the professional singer? Any modern country song.
  • What was the first concert you attended? Sober?
  • What was the last name of your second grade teacher? Hotty. No that was fifth grade.
  • What was the name of your first boyfriend? Shawn Cassidy; he just didn’t know it.
  • What was your favorite childhood game? Screaming to get my way.
  • If you change any feature about yourself what would it be? Really? Have you seen me?
  • If you could have chosen a different career what would it be? Paid.
  • What is the name of your favorite beverage? A tall drink of water.
  • What is the name of your favorite cancelled TV show? America’s Got Talent.
  • What is your favorite board game to play with friends? Strip poker.
  • What was the name of your first college roommate? Ed. Oh, wait. That was the name of the first guy I slept with in college.
  • What was the name of the park closest to where you grew up? Parallel Park.
  • What was the name of the street you grew up on? No Way.
  • Where do you want to travel but probably will never go? Watts.
  • What is the name of your favorite historical figure? Mesomorph.